


Seconds

by nusmag



Category: Eu não quero voltar sozinho | I Don't Want to Go Back Alone (2010), Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho | The Way He Looks (2014)
Genre: First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, Wholesomeness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-23 00:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13775598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nusmag/pseuds/nusmag
Summary: I wrote this 11th May 2017, apparently. Actually I wrote it a lot earlier, posted it on ao3 on an old profile, then deleted it 'cause I was in a mood, but before that I saved it, thankfully. So the actual date of the creation of this will forever be lost.This is to anyone who is thinking of completely wiping some of your work offline - don't.Save it anywhere.Here's an old piece about a film I could legitimately start watching again immediately once it finishes.





	Seconds

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this 11th May 2017, apparently. Actually I wrote it a lot earlier, posted it on ao3 on an old profile, then deleted it 'cause I was in a mood, but before that I saved it, thankfully. So the actual date of the creation of this will forever be lost.
> 
> This is to anyone who is thinking of completely wiping some of your work offline - don't.
> 
> Save it anywhere. 
> 
> Here's an old piece about a film I could legitimately start watching again immediately once it finishes.

SECONDS  
  
I am one of those people who take great notice of _firsts_. In my mind, I have an omnipresent list of experiences, to which I, when the time comes, link a name.

First haircut, Larissa ( _'s hair salon_ – many of my earlier firsts were recounted to me by my mother, since I was too little to remember). First serious injury, which my overbearing mother practically considered lethal, Sara (cousin Bruno's Labrador which pulled our wooden sleigh when we were about seven years old; I broke my arm, but I'll never forget how the winter wind felt as it blew in my face and Marco's contagious screaming laughter. I was on such an adrenaline high that I barely felt it when we crashed into some shrubbery and fell into the snow – Bruno never stopped laughing). First love, _Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel_ (by Johannes Brahms, which made me listen to Handel, which was the best decision of my life. I think I was about eleven.)  
There are so many firsts, most of which I have naturally forgotten. I have decided, whenever I am given an opportunity to do something for the first time, that I will always try to remember it.  
I actually made that decision a few months ago, and a few firsts have happened since then, all of which I can link to one single name.

First outing to the cinema, first class party, first moon eclipse, first sip of alcohol and first – well, _second(if you count Brahms)_ – love.  
Maybe it was because Karina and Giovanna constantly talked about it, but I always believed that the most important first was The First Kiss. And I couldn't be happier that Gabriel was the one who got to claim it.

After he kissed me at the party, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I had already been thinking about him a significant amount but the kiss just made it worse. On the school trip, when he finally spoke to me, touched me, I was overwhelmingly happy, until he told me he was too drunk to remember anything from the party. If he was sober, he probably would not have kissed me, I thought. Once hopeful, I was petrified that it would never happen again. 

But it did.  
After that second kiss, I realised that firsts didn't matter with Gabriel, because no matter how special the first kiss was, the next one would undoubtedly be better, as was everything we did together. I couldn’t get enough of him. Like he was the finest meal, I kept coming back for seconds.

I sat on the top step of my porch, clad in a shirt Gi had picked out for me and my cleanest jeans, suddenly thinking about food. It was not a surprise, I had been promised dinner and hadn't eaten in a while, the butterflies in my stomach preventing me from normal daily activities such as eating, sleeping, sitting still... 

It had been a day since we last kissed, since he told me about his feelings and I said that I felt the same, and suddenly I couldn't bear to even think of doing anything without him. Everything I did would have been better shared with him. I realised it then, when the only hope of enjoying some food was on the date that Gabriel had invited me to. Only a small part of me hoped that the feeling would pass. 

_It will be nothing fancy_ , I remember him saying that day when he told me he loved me, _we can just get some food and go up to the hill where we watched – sorry – I mean – the eclipse... Where we were... If you're up for it._  
I laughed and touched his cheek; of course I was up for it. With a final short kiss, he said he should be getting back home.

I didn't sleep that night.  
I listened to _Belle & Sebastian_'s discography, goose bumps adorning my skin as if he were there with me, touching me.

When I saw him at school the next morning, all I wanted to do was to kiss him. We spent most of the morning together, but we didn't kiss – we just couldn't find the right moment.  
When we walked home from school, hand in hand, we barely spoke. I could feel my cheeks burning.

We confirmed that we will see each other that night, and in front of my house, as he was unlocking the door, he warned me that my mother was watching from the window, but still kissed both my cheeks, taking his time as he did so.  
And even though we didn't kiss, we touched. He let me run my fingers across his face and neck, his wonderful curly hair, his big eyes and long eyelashes, bushy eyebrows, soft lips.  
Even the most beautiful words, extraordinary phrases coined by some of the greatest minds written in Braille don't feel as good as his soft skin under my fingertips. No matter how much they try, no one compares to him.

 

I smiled and stood up, walking toward the fence when I heard a pair of feet walking in my direction, then walking faster, probably because he saw me standing there.

  
_First date._

 

''Leo,'' he said worriedly, panting a little as if he'd been in a hurry, ''How long have you been waiting?''  
  
I smiled and opened the door of the fence, stepping out, ''I got out at about four minutes till seven, and now it's...''  
  
''Seven and four,'' he said quickly, ''God, Leo, I'm really sorry.''

 

''It's just four minutes,'' I said, shrugging, outstretching my hand to touch him. He noticed and took my hand.  
  
''Eight minutes,'' he said teasingly, and I could hear the smile in his voice. He squeezed my hand tighter.   
  
''Yeah yeah, alright,'' I said with a smile as he tugged at my hand and we began walking up the path. ''What were you doing that you were _so late_ , anyway?''   
  
He laughed quietly and warned me of the step before answering, ''I was already out the door when I realised I'd forgotten to brush my teeth.''

 

''Oh.''

 

We walked in silence for a bit.

 

''You look amazing, by the way.'' 

 

I could feel my face heat up and muttered a quiet ''thanks''. I was hoping to show him that I wasn't really shy, but that wasn't working. 

 

All of a sudden, I felt him lean in and press a small kiss to my cheek.

 

I couldn't help but laugh, ''What was that for?'' I asked. Not that I minded.

 

''I don't know. You look nice when you blush.''

''Do I ever not look nice?'' I asked teasingly.

 

''Uhh... No,'' he said, sounding as if he had just realised it himself.

 

''C'mon.''

 

''I'm serious!'' he said, but it was accompanied by a fit of laughter.

 

I smiled and shook my head, ''You're the worst kind of boyfriend a blind person could have.''

 

''Oh?'' he asked quizzically.

 

''Yeah. Even if I looked terrible, you'd probably say I look nice.''

 

''That would never happen,'' he said proudly, ''There's no way you could ever look terrible.''

  
_First time my heart skipped a beat. Probably.  
_

I sighed and gave him a smile, no point in arguing with him.

We soon arrived at a burger joint where I waited by the door as he ordered. After getting some hamburgers, we made our way to the park at the outskirts of town.

  
We sat down in the grass and he handed me a hamburger, the wrapped up bundle warm in my hands. ''Thanks,'' I said, reaching into my pocket to retrieve my wallet.

 

''Oh no, no no no, Leo,'' he said, his mouth already full. He swallowed his bite of hamburger and then continued, ''It's my treat. I asked you out after all.''

 

I smiled, ''Alright, I guess I'm paying for drinks tomorrow.''

 

''Deal,'' he said with a smile. 

 

I carefully unwrapped my hamburger and took a bite. ''You'll tell me if I get ketchup all over my face though, right?'' I asked teasingly.

 

''Mmhmm,'' he said. I could hear him shift in his spot and feel him lean in towards me. He kissed the corner of my lips. ''You had some, err, ketchup,'' he said with a smile. _First time my boyfriend lied to me?_

 

I had just taken my first bite which was mostly the bread of the bun, no ketchup present. I gave Gabriel a wide smile. ''Thanks for that.''  
_  
Boyfriend. Hm._

 

'' 'Welcome,'' he muttered and sat back in his spot.

 

I was about to take a second bite when I half-heartedly wrapped the hamburger up and set it down on a napkin. I pulled my legs up a bit. ''Can I kiss you?'' I blurted out.

 

He laughed quietly and scooted over. I moved toward him and found his face with my own, my nose bumping into his cheek.

''Oh, sorry, sorry,'' he whispered.

 

''It's okay,'' I whispered back, smiling. I kissed his cheek and heard him exhale happily. I kept kissing the side of his face until I made it to his lips. He moved his leg and put it over mine, as if he was going to sit in my lap but changed his mind.   
  
He shivered as my hands found his waist. I pulled him closer until he pushed himself into my lap and cupped my face in his hands.

 

''Leo,'' he said quietly before pressing another kiss on my lips. We kept kissing until I thought it was time for my first proper French kiss, when we kissed some more. 

 

He kept whispering my name and sometimes I reciprocated lovingly. I loved the way he said my name, the way he sounded when he said anything, when he gave a quiet moan or a happy sigh. 

 

When we parted, both trying to contain our giggles, our food had gotten cold, but we didn't mind. We were both obviously hungry since it didn't take us long to wolf it down.

 

''Any ketchup?'' I asked when we both finished eating.

 

''Just come here,'' he said, laughing. I moved closer to him and this time he just climbed into my lap, straddling my hips, and leaned in. The kiss was possibly the longest we had ever had, but it still didn't feel long enough. 

 

''I should be getting home soon,'' he said, the sadness palpable in his voice.

 

''Already?'' I asked, not trying to hide my disappointment.

 

''My brother's coming back from Itapira. His bus should be here at ten... I'm sorry.''

 

I smiled, ''Don't apologize; I'll see you tomorrow, anyway.''

 

He leaned in and kissed me again, ''You wanna, um-''

 

''Yeah,'' I said quickly and he began to get up. He took my hand and helped me get up, ''Let's go.''

 

He binned our wrappers and napkins and then took my hand and led me down the hill. Even though he had been telling me that he was very eager to see his brother, he kept telling me to walk slower. We savoured out last half hour together.

 

''Leo?''  
  
''Yeah?''

 

''Do you want to skip chemistry tomorrow?''

 

I knew that we had chemistry first thing in the morning, and for a split second I thought about sleeping a bit longer.

 

I smiled, ''And what would we do?''

 

''I don't know,'' he said, ''My parents are going to take my brother to grandpa's, and I'll go there as well after school... But they'll all be there in the morning. You could come over. We could watch the morning cartoons or some- sorry, I mean – You know, sorry. I keep doing it.''

 

''I'd love to watch the cartoons with you,'' I said and gave him a genuine smile.

 

''Good, yeah, great,'' he said, sounding more confident as he kept talking.  
  
He warned me of the infamous step, and I couldn't believe we were already near my house. I didn't want to say goodbye. But when I finally had to, he gave me a kiss so amazing it would definitely keep me satisfied for the night. Satisfied, but awake.   
  



End file.
